Diary Entry 276 of a Caregiver

Being a caregiver is taxing. The people you look after are your number 1 priority. You can tend to get lost in the process of day-to-day life and fall off the routines that you’ve had once before. This has been my life for the last 3 years or so. I love that I have been able to be the one my parents depend on, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss life before all of this.

From 2021 to 2022, my father had not 1 but 3 surgeries; knee, back, and ankle. I can look back and laugh at how life was at a complete halt, but I kept my head up because he was depending on my mom and in turn, was dependent on me. Then my father got back on his feet (Thank GOD), my mother finally stopped pushing off the knee surgery she desperately needed. It’s been a rough couple of months, but she’s moving better than at the beginning of the year. Have there been tears? Girl, too many to count. Is life lifing? ABSOLUTELY. I haven’t been to as many shows as I did last year, but I’m still finding my pockets of happiness. I ran away to Houston for a few days because a staycation wasn’t going to cut it. Even though I didn’t do much but spend the day at the pool, ordered food, and watched movies nonstop; it was what I needed. Being back home you might see me at brunch, Thursday night bingo, a few parties here and there, or those random days where I do something before I clock in. They have been keeping me and reminding me that I can make time for me.

In those times, it has allowed me to put on clothes. I may have posted a few reels of me getting dressed or continuing my series of Get Undressed With Moody, but lately, I have been too tired to do anything for real. I’m running on fumes. The routines that I once had even a couple of months ago have been adjusting to life currently. So where has that left me? I go to work, and get home to return to “work”. What does one wear when they go from one job to the next? Athletic wear; whether it’s biker shorts and a hoodie or sweatpants and a crop top, I am always dressed to be on the go for whatever my routine gives me every day.

Sometimes I feel like I have fallen back and back again into this constant state of wanting to do more with my wardrobe but time hasn’t allowed that so much. I make what I have work, even if I am currently sick of all of it. I haven’t put any effort into trying to add a few pieces here and there because I’m trying to find myself in the process.
I’ve recently had a disappointing shopping experience with FN, and settled for pieces because I had to use the credit (there’s no getting your money back lol). I’ve also come to realize that I haven’t been anywhere or have any plans that I could shop for. Treating myself may not be exactly how it was last year, but I know that I must keep treating myself to find me. Shopping has become a hassle because I must be responsible for myself. I have things that I’m working on that need my attention more than balling out at Target or online. Maybe if I hit the lottery ( & actually play) that will be the sweet victory of really treating myself to some new goodies. Till that lovely day comes, I’ll continue to make something shake with what I have and my little pockets of happiness.

So let’s look at exactly how I’ve been doing that throughout a couple of weeks: