Life: Update on Feeling Unsure

First of all…Happy Halloween or Free Candy Day to all who will be at or have been to a Holy Harvest in the past lol, I have been there..hoping, wishing, and praying that my mama would let me go out trick or treating with my older cousins, but of course where was I….

🗣HOLY HARVEST NIGHT 😭😂

Now let me give you an update on my October, which didn’t start off on a good foot. At my former job, I was having problems with management in the month of September. I knew my time was coming to an end when everything about my job irritated my soul! I won’t go into detail, just know that it wasn’t looking too good.

Oct. 2nd, I was going into work with a heavy heart, but ready to face what this new week was going to bring me, BS and all. I get a text from my boss saying “Moody?” Of course being annoyed whenever I received a text from her I reply, “yes” and within seconds of replying I get a phone call from her. The call basically was her letting me know that I wasn’t needed to come in that day because she was letting me go.

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! GOT ME SHOOK TOO!

I immediately questioned her and called my former DM. She acted as if she didn’t know about any of this, but the moment I pulled up at home I received my termination letter via email from the company, and get this, it was signed by THE DM!!!!

Honestly, at the moment all I could do was laugh. I’ve played certain situations over and over again just wondering how everything would have gone if I would have said this or done that. The outcome probably would have been a little messier on my part if I would have gotten out of character. I’ve been pushed to the point, but I never acted on it. I knew that I had to depart ways from the company, but that definitely wasn’t the way I wanted everything to go down lol. God truly had a sense of humor that day. He was really laying hilarious cards out in my life. I didn’t know why but I knew it was necessary.

Weeks have gone by now and I’m starting to question God like I know He isn’t going to have me out here looking crazy, but I’m starting to stress. Losing my job really put a halt on A LOT in my life, saving up for certain moves to be made or simply putting gas in my car. I was back on the asking my parents for help 25/8. I was feeling down right after getting back on my feet and out of that rut I was in. At this point, everything was still rocky but was looking up for the most part until I received the most unexpected phone call in my life. 

My best friend called me and let me know a mutual friend of ours had passed away. That phone call literally tore me to pieces. I’ve only experienced time stopping once in my life and I knew I didn’t want to experience it for those reasons again, but here we are.

Burns’ death is still a shock to me but I’ve come to terms that it’s in God’s plan. With Burns being such a positive light everywhere he went, I know for a fact that he wouldn’t want us to be sad. Yeah, it hurts like crazy, but I can’t do anything but smile when I think about him. It was alwayZ a good time whenever he was around. He was literally an angel that walked this earth. I’m glad I was able to spend time and make memories with him that will last a lifetime.

From losing my job and good friend I’m learning that everything happens for a reason. I know I may never understand why things happen like this, but over the course of the 24 years I’ve been here I’m learning to accept what God allows. In a blink of eye, everything can switch. In that time its really okay to feel unsure, feeling stuck in the moment, not knowing where to go or who to lean on is really okay. Let those tear fall. Scream as loud as you need to. All I can ask is that you don’t hold anything in. I tried to hold the tears in, but I just felt myself getting weaker. If you need somebody to talk to, find them. Talking with someone that you trust can be very therapeutic. All the emotions you have balled up inside can be released by talking with that person or persons in your life. It definitely will make the load a little lighter. I got a hug from my father and when I tell you it felt so good to cry; I knew I could cry without judgement or need to hide the tears. With everything going on I needed that moment. It may not have taken the complete stink of it all away, but it did help.

Yes, I’m still grieving, but I’m doing everything I can keep my head above water. I’m doing everything as usual, but with more drive. I’m hungry to go after every experience the rest of the year and what it has for me. I’m claiming blessings to rain down on me and whoever may need them next month. I pray October was the month to push us to wherever we need to be to catch those blessings coming to us.

Continue to treat yourselves going into this new month. We don’t know what may happen but know its okay to be unsure. Take time to be with yourself and your loved ones. Give people their roses while they can still smell them.

RIP Burns ❤️ We love and miss you.

See you in the next one

Xoxo, Jonice 💕